I recently came across a blog post “My Cloth Diaper Dilema” posted on the Babble blog by Amelia Nielson-Stowell. In Amelia’s blog post she writes about her experiences with cloth diapers and the unfortunate judgement that was passed when she posted on a message board that she was going to give up cloth diapering.
For you seasoned cloth diaperer’s out there your initial read might be : “There is no way that she should feel this way about cloth diapering. Cloth diapering is the best choice for your baby.” Quite honestly my initial read of the post was the same but then I stepped back and realized that was MY opinion.
Cloth diapering is a personal choice that a parent needs to make. Just like breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs not co-sleeping, etc. etc. As a cloth diaper advocate and a Mom that is obsessed with cloth diapers (and spends most of her free time reading about cloth diapers, etc.) I have to continually realize that the rest of the world just might not choose to cloth diaper.
Just like political views and religious beliefs; styles of parenting and choices that parents make need to be respected. It may be hard to do; especially when you are so passionate about something that has to deal with our babies.
Quoting from Jennifer Labit, owner of CottonBabies and inventor of bumGenius, Flip, and Econobum: “….respect and recognize the mom, exactly where she is at.” I think that philosophy is a great way to approach parenting decisions that differ from ours.
To Amelia~ thanks for giving cloth diapering a chance and sorry you didn’t receive support for your parenting decision.
Very true. When it comes to how you diaper your child, there isn’t always a “right” way. I was actually shocked to see on my birth board how negative people were to mamas who do CD. They called it gross, among many other things. Unfortunately it goes both ways, I’m afraid.
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This is nice – I hope she gets the message. As a mom who has done both (and actually sometimes uses both even now) I love offering up the pros and cons of each and tell moms who ask me why I stick with it (and yes, as far as I’m concerned there are pros and cons). While I’m happy to show off my stash in a training session – I’m equally as happy to give them the disposable diaper coupons I get in the mail too. There is already way too much mommy guilt out there.
I think I also feel like the mean moms on the Babble comments. At least a little. But, I also know its tough being a mom the first time and you need some support. Some help. A mentor. Someone who did it before. Someone who loves you and wants you to succeed. Someone who will do the dirty work for you and teach you how to do it. I don’t think this can always be found online… sometimes it needs to be a neighbor.
I think that the wit used in the piece were sort of sanity savers for her. I do think they are a little slanderous about cloth diapers, but its really much more easy to make a slightly negative thing into a much more negative thing through words and reading instead of verbal, face to face contact. Maybe she didn’t mean to be so sarcastic or dramatic.
Thanks for posting this. It helps me censor myself a little when I talk to a friend who has three small children and never cloth diapered and says she doesn’t care about the landfill waste or the budget. Just the ick factor. Its hard for me to see her point of view at all, but I really don’t have to comment about it.
I totally agree. I try to encourage every mom I know to consider cd’ing and at least try it. But, it’s not for everyone. It’s a personal choice. It’s great to passionate about something, but it’s even better to compassionate toward others.
it’s sad how most people won’t respect the choices others make. that’s the beauty of life, being able to decide for ourselves and hopefully learn from these choices.
I find it sad that people can be so judgmental about other people’s parenting choices. My kids are mostly cloth diapered, but when we travel or go out and about we use disposables. I see nothing seriously wrong with our choice. I don’t like the thought of our disposables filling up landfills and not decomposing in a timely fashion, but we are good stewards of the earth in so many other ways. We have 9 people living in our home, and put out WAY LESS trash than our neighbors with only a couple of residents (and are fabulous recyclers) . Our water/gas/electric use bills are considerably lower too. I could go on about auto use, home size, and more, but I think you get the idea.
For the mom who gave up CDing, I wish she had an affordable diaper service in her area. That way she could CD part time w/o so much of the ick factor. I also wish she had someone nearby who could give her some in person support. Sometimes we all need a little encouragement to get through the dips in life or a mentor to show us an easier path or a solution to our problem. Of course, if that momma still was confident that CDing was not right for her, she needs to be told that’s alright too.
I also am am mom who has done and still uses both types of diapers. I did not start cloth diapering until the birth of my second child. My stash is not large enough to cloth diaper two children without having to wash and dry the diapers every night. So, while I am slowly growing my stash, I need to use disposables as well. I mostly use the disposables with my older child since he eats solids and would need a liner, or sprayer (which I don’t have), or me to clean the dirty out of the diaper (which I am not a big fan of) prior to washing. My younger is still EBF so cloth is very easy and I use it pretty much full time for him.
I completely understand both sides. WHile I always think that cloth is better for the environment and most of the time think it is better for my pocket book…I sometimes think disposables are easier, esp. for those older children. I agree each mother has to make the choice for herself, and neither choice should be seen as wrong.
I really appreciate the kind words Kelly.
What an awesome post! We should take this perspective with these kind of personal choices. I hospital birthed, formula fed, disposable diapered my first 2 because I didn’t know any better. My 2 month old was home birthed, is breast fed, and cloth diapered, but I would never say I regret anything with the first 2 because I don’t want to take away from my memories and experiences with them as babies. Having been on both sides of the fence, I try to always be conscious to avoid passing judgment on other moms for their decisions.
So true! My family thinks I’m crazy, and thinks I’ll give up on anything. I make my own baby food (why don’t you just get the jarred? It’s a waste of time.) and I cloth diaper (you’re wasting water and money. They’re so expensive). I ignore them. I do what I want and I respect others for their decisions, even though it may or may not be the decision I would choose for myself! Part of being a parent is making choices that are right for YOU and your family!
I have to completely agree with you that my first reaction was very defensive. Even after I read her blog I just thought she’s crazy, she didn’t give it enough time, she didn’t take the “necessary” steps before starting cloth diapering, and so on and so on and so on. Once you made the point about it being a choice, like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs not, I had to take a step back. You are right that it is all a choice and what works for one doesn’t work for all. Also, what works for one baby doesn’t work for the rest of them. I mean, I have one baby girl and maybe I’ll have issues with cloth diapering when I have a boy or maybe we’ll more somewhere or something will happen that makes cloth diapering not the right choice for us at that time. Thank you for pointing this out, I think all of us had a “oh wait” moment and thought a little more before jumping to conclusions.
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