It has been a very, very long year and as you can see by the lack of activity of the blog many of you thought I had disappeared. In March 2015 I was confronted with a very long, trying, and emotional legal case that involved my x-husband. Due to confidentiality and anonymity I won’t be disclosing names within my posts.
First of all in one year’s time I can honestly say that I am in such a better place. When something tragic or trying comes your way it can literally emotionally and physically beat you down. In July 2015 I decided to take some extended time off from work, from my blog, and completely concentrate on my family and the new legal situation I was in. I had to approach this new situation with delicacy and grace as it involved my son who I love so dearly.
This post won’t go into details, rants, hate messages, or anything similar; if anything I have learned to pray for my x-husband and I truly hope he finds happiness and peace.
I am just going to write from my heart on what has helped me through the most trying time in my life.
9 Things That Have Helped Me During the Darkest Time in my Life
- Take the time to spend with your children. Like really true time…get off the phone and social media… read books, built forts out of sheets, color, do anything. Act like a kid yourself. These moments with my children are ones that I will cherish forever.
- Rely on a power great than yourself (you choose whatever you want to call your ‘Higher Power’). I’m not going to be all preachy here and tell you what to do but what worked for me is rebuilding my relationship with God. I became a born-again- Christian when I was 14 but I never really had a ‘good’ relationship with Him. I would always run and pray desperately when ‘the s**t hit the fan’. Can any of you relate to that? I am talking about a daily conscious effort to be in contact with God. It is a never ending process.
- Pray for the person(s) that you are struggling with and/or hurting you. This has brought me so much peace. I have literally sobbed on my knees with my hands and head laying on my burgundy ottoman. Forgiving them is an unbelievable release of pain.
- Grieve your loss- whether it is a death, a divorce, or any loss. It is ok to feel. We all have expectations of how our life should play out and life being life….we get tossed many curves. Mine was a divorce…a man I divorced almost 4 years ago. It was like a death. I felt that someone poured jet fuel on my heart and ignited it. The pain was so great. What got me through? God, my kids, praying, and trying to stay in the day. I was also grateful to be able to take some time off from work.
- Take what you can and leave the rest. That is a saying that is said in many recovery programs, which I am a member of (and will write later about). We are all different. We have differences in morals, religion, politics, sexuality….the list goes on and on. When I do go to a recovery meeting or even out in public and if I hear something that is good I grasp onto that. If I hear something that I don’t like or it triggers me I silently pray and sometimes can just walk away. It is ok to walk away.
- Seek outside professional help whether a doctor, therapist, or clergy person. I was told when I was younger “Kelly, all you need to do is get your bible out and get down on your knees and prayer.” Well I have done that but many times more has to be done. Advocate for yourself. Not all doctors, therapists, or clergy people will ‘click’ with you. Only you know how you feel. Keep on trying until someone really listens to you.
- Don’t post your intimate details, derogatory messages, passively aggressively comments, etc so ‘someone’ (x-partner, former friend, co-worker) you might think will read it. Most likely they won’t and you know who will read it? All your other friends. If you need to vent go to a trusted and true friend privately.
- Don’t isolate. Well sometimes a Netflix binge is ok to do every once in awhile but don’t hide out. I am so guilty of this and actually have started asking at meetings for people to text me and send me a ‘nudge’ to go do something. Distractions can be a very therapeutic thing.
- Accept. Wow now that is a big one. It seems like we are never ever content with where we are at. I find myself asking questions like: “God why would you let that happen?” “Why is this person being such an a**h**e to me?” “Why are my kids notlistening to me?” If I had a video camera playing inside my head recording live and streaming on you-tube….goodness I could be as rich as the Kardashians! LOL Sometime we just need to breath, prayer, or find something simple just to relax.